Shipping firms have already proposed taking short cuts through the polar region, which also contains large reserves of oil and natural gas.

[From Al Jazeera English - Americas - Arctic ice 'could melt by 2013' ]

Aaaaand cue intro riff to Crazy Train. All aboard the ‘We’re Looking For The Bright Side of Things Even If It Fucking Kills Us’ Express!

Iran has no weapons-grade uranium, US military officials have said in an attempt to clarify recent statements from Washington and Israel.

[From BBC NEWS | Americas | Iran 'has no bomb-grade uranium']

Can we just make up our mind about this?

“We think they do, quite frankly,” Adm Mike Mullen, chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, told CNN.

[From BBC NEWS | Americas | Iran's uranium 'enough for bomb']

Oh, wait. Uh, maybe not:

Iran is not close to having a nuclear weapon, which gives the United States and others time to try to persuade Tehran to abandon its suspected atomic arms program, U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates said on Sunday.

[From Iran not close to nuclear weapon: Gates | International | Reuters]

It seems like we’re getting a lot of conflicting messages from the government recently. Like Obama saying we’re pulling troops out of Iraq, and then generals saying things like oh no we aren’t we’re going to be there for twenty years.

I guess we get to sit back and see how much change is actually going to happen.

Scientists in the US say they have developed the ability to selectively wipe out uncomfortable memories.

[From BBC NEWS | Americas | US scientists 'erase mice memory']

Asked about her hopes for the US under an Obama presidency, she says: “Peace abroad. I don’t worry about the Iraq war because I can’t do anything about it. Lord knows how it will end.”

“It is very complicated,” she said. “Those Eastern people are not like we are.”

[From BBC NEWS | Americas | 106-year-old voter chooses Obama]

I’ll cut her some slack since she is 106 years old. And a nun. What a weird fucking election, eh? We’re probably going to end up with a president named Barack Hussein Obama. I’m not expecting much, but damn if I don’t get a kick out of the name.

Yves Rossy aimed to reach speeds of 125mph[From BBC NEWS | UK | Pilot completes jetpack challenge]

Oh God they are now arguing over which of them ‘really’ loves Bret. “Do you love Bret? Or would you be here even if it was Jon Bon Jovi?”

Which almost seems kinda like a big fuck you to Bon Jovi.

But I digress. The point is this: If I had television, I would claw out my eyeballs to plug my ears.

My worry is that Obama will step into the White House facing loud calls for the government to take a greater role but will find the crisis has left the nation’s finances in tatters and without the resources to respond to those demands.

[From Economists for Obama: What the Crisis Will Mean for President Obama]

Step one: Claim government can’t fix anything. Step two: Systematically destroy government institutions. Step three: Sit back and exclaim how you were right all along when the destroyed institutions are unable to respond to the needs of the people.

Last month Mr Munajid condemned the Beijing Olympics as the “bikini Olympics”, claiming that nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits.

Frankly, this does not make Satan sound very scary. This makes Satan sound like, um, a lot of people. Like me. Because female athletes in skimpy outfits makes me happy. By equating people like me with Satan, Sheikh Muhammad Munajid is diminishing the fear of Satan in all people. Therefore, Sheikh Muhammad Munajid should be forced to watch beach volleyball.

[Mickey Mouse must die, says Saudi Arabian cleric - Telegraph]

Maybe Harry Potter should have brought a note from his parents saying he would be missing school.

[From Harry Potter pulls vanishing act on Entertainment Weekly, which features film in fall preview]

Sorry, that’s a shitty opening line for a story about Harry Potter, because Harry Potter was an orphan. Duh.

Okay, I’m done being a nerd.