I sometimes meet guys who like to complain about their wives. I assume that they like to because it seems like it’s all they ever do. And it’s different from Divorced Guy syndrome, because in those cases there is an understandable reason for the bitching.

No, I’m talking about the class of married men who never say a single good word about their wives. Wives who are deficient in every possible way: stupid, lazy, free-loading, etc. At least if one listens to their husbands.

They talk and complain, and bitch, and in general are kind of a pain in the ass to be around, because their conversational turns are as predictable as a NASCAR track. “Hey, did you see that throw Ichiro made yesterday?”

“No. I told my wife to tape Sportscenter, but she didn’t. SHE IS A HORRIBLE CUNT.”

“Uh, you know, you could probably catch it on YouTube, or it might get played again later today on like ESPN News or something.”

“SHE CUNT AND ME HATE! RAH!”

And there it ends.

Because the universe is an ever recurring leitmotif of ‘STUPID CUNT’. All other melodies are relegated to playing counterpoint to that basic point. And I can’t understand why they think this way. I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the level of negativity and pettiness that’s necessary to look at the world that way. Thank the Lord.

Whenever I meet guys like this, and if there is no way for me to get out of the conversation, I always tell them that’s why I’m happy to be single.

But what I really mean is I’m happy I’m not a misogynistic douche bag.

Which, oddly, I support. Not because I believe children are so stupid that they love real mice because they’ve seen a cartoon mouse that is loveable. No, I just hate Mickey Mouse. But the part that I liked was this.

Last month Mr Munajid condemned the Beijing Olympics as the “bikini Olympics”, claiming that nothing made Satan happier than seeing females athletes dressed in skimpy outfits.

Frankly, this does not make Satan sound very scary. This makes Satan sound like, um, a lot of people. Like me. Because female athletes in skimpy outfits makes me happy. By equating people like me with Satan, Sheikh Muhammad Munajid is diminishing the fear of Satan in all people. Therefore, Sheikh Muhammad Munajid should be forced to watch beach volleyball.

[Mickey Mouse must die, says Saudi Arabian cleric - Telegraph]

From an article about the delay of the new Harry Potter movie:

Maybe Harry Potter should have brought a note from his parents saying he would be missing school.

[From Harry Potter pulls vanishing act on Entertainment Weekly, which features film in fall preview]

Sorry, that’s a shitty opening line for a story about Harry Potter, because Harry Potter was an orphan. Duh.

Okay, I’m done being a nerd.