Iran has no weapons-grade uranium, US military officials have said in an attempt to clarify recent statements from Washington and Israel.

[From BBC NEWS | Americas | Iran 'has no bomb-grade uranium']

Can we just make up our mind about this?

“We think they do, quite frankly,” Adm Mike Mullen, chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff, told CNN.

[From BBC NEWS | Americas | Iran's uranium 'enough for bomb']

Oh, wait. Uh, maybe not:

Iran is not close to having a nuclear weapon, which gives the United States and others time to try to persuade Tehran to abandon its suspected atomic arms program, U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates said on Sunday.

[From Iran not close to nuclear weapon: Gates | International | Reuters]

It seems like we’re getting a lot of conflicting messages from the government recently. Like Obama saying we’re pulling troops out of Iraq, and then generals saying things like oh no we aren’t we’re going to be there for twenty years.

I guess we get to sit back and see how much change is actually going to happen.

At least 19 other states, including California, have slashed court budgets and other government services as their economies have tanked, said Daniel Hall, vice president of the National Center for State Courts, a nonprofit in Williamsburg, Va. [From Economic Crisis Hits State Court Systems]

An interesting but novel way to curb civil liberties, eh? Not that I’m suggesting that’s what’s going on here. This is definitely a budget crunch thing. Just sort of a possibility I’d never considered for a dystopian future. Civil liberties cost money, and we’re just short of cash, sorry. Please get in this unmarked van, it’s a police van, but we couldn’t afford to get it painted. Really.

The outgoing US leader had just told reporters that while the war in Iraq was not over “it is decisively on its way to being won,” when al-Zeidi got to his feet and hurled abuse – and his footwear – at the US president.

[From Al Jazeera English - Middle East - Shoe attack mars Bush's Iraq visit]

Asked about her hopes for the US under an Obama presidency, she says: “Peace abroad. I don’t worry about the Iraq war because I can’t do anything about it. Lord knows how it will end.”

“It is very complicated,” she said. “Those Eastern people are not like we are.”

[From BBC NEWS | Americas | 106-year-old voter chooses Obama]

I’ll cut her some slack since she is 106 years old. And a nun. What a weird fucking election, eh? We’re probably going to end up with a president named Barack Hussein Obama. I’m not expecting much, but damn if I don’t get a kick out of the name.

My worry is that Obama will step into the White House facing loud calls for the government to take a greater role but will find the crisis has left the nation’s finances in tatters and without the resources to respond to those demands.

[From Economists for Obama: What the Crisis Will Mean for President Obama]

Step one: Claim government can’t fix anything. Step two: Systematically destroy government institutions. Step three: Sit back and exclaim how you were right all along when the destroyed institutions are unable to respond to the needs of the people.

He sat immobile, hidden in a crevice of the Lateran Palace. In the gathering twilight, he was absolutely invisible, but only as long as he didn’t move. He ignored cramping in his legs. In a few more hours, he would have to leap with these same legs. It would be grinding, painful… But the Angry Lefty knows no pain.

His black cape puled tight around him he ignores the growing cold. It is January, and even in Rome it can get cold.

It will be January for only a few more hours, but it will still be cold when it passes. But not as cold as his Angry Justice.

He sees his target. Just as his informant told him, he is staying the night while overseeing restoration work.

And his informant has also left the window open.

It is dark enough. Suddenly, the Angry Lefty explodes into action, leaping from the hiding spot, dropping from roof to Basilica, grabbing the super thin, almost invisible wire that he had put in place the night before. Grabbing a tool from his utility belt (the design of which Che Gueverra gave him in a dream…the same dream where he had known the incomparable pleasures of Emma Goldman) he rode the wire through the open window, landing on the bed where his target had just settled down for sleep. He slapped a hand over his target’s mouth before he could shout for help.

“Gutentag, Herr Papst.”

The Pope’s eyes widened as they recognized his assailant. He knew the game was up.

The Angry Lefty had spent a lifetime researching it. Why was it that every year, the people were forced to pay rents by the month, when the month of February had only 28 days. Every year, the people suffered.

After years of research in dusty libraries, including a break-in to the sub-sub-basement of the Vatican Library, where every book of the Index Librorum Prohibitorum was kept, he finally discovered the truth: The Caesaro-Papist conspiracy. Julius Caesar had invented the modern calendar, using it to yearly cheat the plebeians he claimed to support. A thousand years later, Pope Gregory refined this tool of class oppression into it’s current form. This was how the Roman Empire, and later the Vatican, had built up their vast wealth. The Pope owned a lot of land.

When the Angry Lefty discovered the new Pope was planning a further reform of the calendar, he knew he could not let it past. The Benedictine Calendar could just very well cause the historical dialectic to grind to a halt.

“You will nicht hurt me, Herr Linke. Nein. You are no killer.”

“You’re right, you bastard. But I can’t let you carry through your plans. The proletariat couldn’t survive it. So I’ll leave you with my comrade here.”

In came a man dressed head to foot in crimson clothes, with a red cape about his shoulders, a blood splashed Zorro of the Douglas Fairbanks school, a great smile on his face.

“Ciao, Papa.”

“Nein…Nein!!!”

The Angry Lefty washed off his hands and walked toward the window where he would make his escape. “Yes, I believe you already know my friend, the Red Brigadier.”

USA is represented by a George Bush (lookalike, of course) who ends up being a comedian in this film. He recognizes Turkey only as a poultry product and doesn’t want to attack India since our call center employees serve their nation. Wow, that could be a new angle to the nuclear deal!

[From Mission Istanbul: Movie Review- Entertainment-Media / Entertainment -News By Industry-News-The Economic Times]

You don’t spend your life fighting for women’s rights and then vote for Sen. McCain.

[From A few more events like this one and we’ll all feel better]

On the other hand, if I was a Republican even moderately dissatisfied with Bush, I might begin to take notice that George Bush at some point killed John McCain, skinned him, and has been parading around wearing said skin. I mean, how else to explain the similarity in policies espoused and the weird, emotionless grin that just doesn’t seem right.

Frankly, I’m starting to warm up to Obama, if for no other reason than the fact he apparently dressed down Joe Lieberman. LBJ-style, indeed.